Adjusting to Adjusting

Someone said that moving is like dying. If so then I've died a few dozen times. But this move would have to be the biggest move of my life. This one's fraught with multiple changes. So many I have to adjust to. Well, I don't have to, I want to. Firstly, the obvious---from a tropical country to a four seasons one (yey); from hectic city life to placid country life; from self-sufficient singlemotherhood to co-sufficient marriedhood. (Am I stretching my literary liberty too much here?) I'll start with these. They all came at once in one fell swoop right after the wedding. Bang. Had I been occupied with full time employment I probably would have been too busy to face them and there would not have been an "interim". Or perhaps the impact would not have been as palpable. I would have probably just coasted along with the changes and not given them much thought. Ignorance is bliss. But naah not a chance. I tend to learn the hard way. Yes, the universe had indeed conspired to have me "float" for a few months to get my bearings. Lost a few in the process ha!

sexy boots

My first winter was miserable. How was I to know that taking long hot showers in winter dries the skin? How was I to know that staying too close to the heater dries the skin? How was I to know that soap dries the skin? Yep, learned it the hard way. I had the worst case of dry legs ever. They were scaly, itchy and yucky ugly. Not even the shea butter someone swore would work helped. Thank God for google. I learned that everything I instinctively thought would work (long hot showers, hugging the heater, even the gentlest of soap) didn't. In fact were the worst things for the skin in winter. Waaah! Thankfully, I had to take a quick trip back to Manila at the height of rainy season (Aug ergo high humidity). The scales magically disappeared. Amazing. I now use non-soap wash, avoid getting too close to heaters and take the shortest military-like hot showers. Also, now I simply love winter. The girl in me comes out to try out winter fashion. Leather coat, leather boots. Love'm.

Hawaiian theme new year's eve party

At the opposite extreme is summer. The hottest place I have ever been prior to moving here is the sauna at 52 degrees C. Hot and dry, it was suffocating. My first new year in Au was spent camping near the river. Sounds romantic? Not in 58 degrees!! Whoa I couldn't believe it. Neither could most everyone. I must bring out the extremes even in the weather!?? But we had a great time, notwithstanding the stifling heat. Thank God for cool friends.

Bourke St., Melbourne

Before the big move, I would go to nearby malls, shopping centers, parks, cinemas, libraries, the odd museum etc, lots of options for entertainment. Or if I felt like company I'd pick up the phone and invite friends to meet for coffee, movie, lunch, dinner, theater, dance, badminton, anything and everything was within spontaneous reach. Coming to Mildura, I found that entertainment had to be planned in advance. Travel was never a big factor in my past life, living right in Makati CBD, now it is a HUGE factor. The nearest big cities: Adelaide (popn 1M) and Melbourne (popn 3M)are 4.5/5.5 hrs away. So to get my big city fix requires a bit of forward planning. I have grown not to mind it as the pay off is some top class live entertainment such as Cirque d'Soleil (my fave), Billy Elliot, Priscilla Queen of the Desert (there was a Pinay in the cast, cast as a Tagalog-speaking puta ha!) etc. And of course the live footy. Let me tell you that in Victoria most people are football-mad. I've had to pick a "side" right from get go. Being the mango in a basket of apples that I am, I picked a side that no one in the Sleep family barracked for. Why? Because the star player looked like my son ha! I was ridiculed, scorned, lambasted, my husband hung his head in shame. I stood my ground and thumbed my nose at them all hmph! I would not be bullied, I've made up my mind. Being the lone voice in the wilderness is nothing new to me. This player has since changed teams but I've grown fond of my team now. Go blues!

Must I let him go too?

Perhaps the hardest adjustment for me is being parted from Miguel. Even though he is now in the same country, he is oh so far away. Being the independent, self-sufficient son that I raised him to be doesn't help either. What is it with boys that they can't be bothered to pick up the phone let Mom know they're still alive and well?! Drives me nuts especially when I can't contact the boy. It's not about you son, it's about me. I need your help in managing my grieving cycle. On reflection, this situation would still be the same regardless of setting. Empty-nesting sucks. 

Cheers mate!

Adjustment is never easy but it doesn't have to be hard either. I've learned to embrace this new way of life and let go of the old.  I've had to allow my own grieving process and more importantly, I've had the unconditional support of my chosen life partner, this warm human being who allowed me to grieve. Bit bewildering for him I'm sure but to his credit he let me be. He has taught me so much about staying positive. It is something that has evolved within me after four and a half years of processing. It is also a choice I've made. So easy to be negative. So much work to be positive. But it so worth it. Happiness is indeed a choice. I'll be speaking like a local soon mate :)