Driving on the Wrong Side

I've been driving 30+ years in one of the most challenging road and traffic conditions in Asia (so non-Pinoys swear) so I thought driving in Australia, with its' wide roads and its' courteous law-abiding drivers, would be a piece a cake. I was wrong. Again. Not only do they drive on the wrong side of the road but they're also very strict about obeying road signs. Hefty fines magically appear in your mailbox with a stern warning to pay up or suffer dire consequences. Trigger happy speed cameras abound. In short, you will be caught red-handed and there's no escaping the law. You also get demerit points in your driver licence. With most everything computerised, the long arm of the law is attached to a vice grip you cannot talk your way out of. 

road sign along EDSA competing with billboard ads

You know you're Pinoy when you understand what a double whammy that is. In the motherland, road signs, road markings, speed limits, etc. are generally regarded as  mere warnings, a guide to navigating one's way through the organised chaos that is Manila traffic. They often get lost amidst the myriad of advertising billboards that compete for the Manila driver's attention and oftentimes get superceded by the MMDA traffic enforcer. Speed limits in the main thoroughfares are hard to exceed because the sheer volume of vehicles calibrate the flow to a painfully slow pace. I chuckle to myself every time I hear people here complain about the "traffic". The big cities of Melbourne, Adelaide and Sydney combined do not come close to what Manilenos put up with on a daily basis! "Traffic" to country folks is maybe a 10-car build-up in a roundabout, umm perhaps 20-30 sec of idling. What joy. 


The amount of idling we get in Manila is so bad it provides business opportunities to the enterprising. The busy city streets become moving fast-food centres. The slower the flow, the more business is generated.

peanut vendor 

 Oh how I miss the freshly boiled peanuts and the hot kropek. And what about those nodding dogs for the dash? The latest products on the shopping channel? Not just a fastfood centre but a shopping mall too. These vendors risk life and limb to earn a few pesos. OH&S (Occupational Health & Safety) will have a field day. But I digress. I just had to stick this photo in. 

Back to driving in Au. Pedestrians have right of way. How refreshing. Vehicles have to do a full stop before zebra crossings when pedestrians need to cross, wait till the last one steps off the road and is safely on the curb before proceeding. Very civilised. I feel so safe everytime I'm the pedestrian. So opposite back home. No  regard for safety, people cross busy Manila streets at great risk. They cross everywhere, on zebras and off. Cars do not stop, much less slow down for pedestrians. Cars, not people have right of way. A sign of low regard for human life perhaps? Life, when there are so many lives, is cheap it seems. 

emu

No honking of horns. You know an Asian is driving when you hear an impatient honk. Busted. It's considered rude. The horn is so rarely used here in the country that one can go without it (not the same in the big cities though with a high Asian popn ha!). Many months ago Stan accidentally hit an emu while out in the bush. Now emus I am told are very dangerous creatures once you collide with them because their heads are so hard and their necks so long that a head- on collision might mean coming eyeball-to-eyeball with it. Thankfully, this one didn't. But it did damage the entire front of his 4WD including the horn. He's never noticed that the horn didn't get fixed until I had to borrow his car for my drive test. 


I got my Victorian driver license early this year. I was driving with my Philippine license prior without any incident. Ok, ok I had a few scary moments my first couple of times on the road-- I realised I was on the wrong side upon seeing other cars coming straight at me yeow! Fortunately, people here are kind and forgiving, all I got were dirty looks ha! Other than that and checking my orientation at all times (making a right turn was tricky) I was fine. So applying for an Australian license should be a breeze right? Naaahhhhh. It's much harder because I had to unlearn 30+ years of "different" driving habits and learn new rules on top of getting used to driving on the other side. All my instincts taught me to look to the left before the right. Here it's right then left. Doh!

typical Manila traffic

A1 driving school taught me all about "defensive driving" in the wild wild streets of Raon where metal and human bodies come within inches of the other (surprisingly very low casualty rate). Dodging vehicles left, right , front and back with nary a scratch was an art. Vicroads admonishes me to drive "cooperatively". My re-education was a process of taming my "survival driving" style. Hmm, I might not have the guts to drive back in Manila again, we'll see. 

Securing a Victorian driver license is a 3-step process, the first two are theoretical exams and the last is a drive test. I ace'd the first two and was confident I would ace the last. I had three go's and finally passed it the fourth time aaarrrgh!! What a blow to my ego. I kept flunking the speed test (yes, you have to maintain the speed limit up to the point where the sign changes, not a centimeter before!) and the head turn when switching lanes or turning a corner (have to do a stage drama turn of the head.  With my long hair, I look like I'm shooting a shampoo commercial!). I was a few hundred dollars poorer too. Waaah.

hard-earned licence

Each drive test had a fee attached. I swear those Vicroad guys saw me as a cash cow aaarrrgh!! Nevertheless, I kept going. I would not be defeated. Finally, they must have figured they've milked me enough, my fourth and final go, I got the nod. Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah. I heard the chorus in my head. Euphoria. Finally. With a thankful and triumphant smile I posed for my photo ID and got a ten-year license. A bird in hand, you know. 

"Strine" English

Fair dinkum. Sticky beak. Budgie smugglers. Up at sparrow fart.

Typical country road sign

What the? Yep, that's Australian (pronounced by opening one's mouth really big and lazily combining all three syllables together) s-t-r-i-n-e. Thought I spoke English when I first came here. I was wrong. At least not the English that the natives speak. Strine. Say it with a cheeky grin. Very strange expressions too (see above samples). 

PM in waiting in budgie smugglers

Definitions of the above samples: 
Fair dinkum - (adv) really, seriously (adj) genuine; may be used to express surprise (!) or to affirm a statement (.) e.g. Are you fair dinkum?
Sticky beak - (v) to nose around, have a look see; (n) busybody. e.g. I'll just have a sticky beak in that shop.
Budgie smugglers - (n) speedo swimming trunks or speedos for short. Made even more popular by candidate for PM Tony Abbott (I so admire the fact that at 52 he is so buffed!). Huh? What's a speedo got to do with a smuggler and what the heck is a budgie? A budgie is short for budgerigar, a small colourful bird quite common here. Smugglers with an "s" always. I was laughed at when I used the singular form. It's for the twin things to go into the speedo. Get it?

cute budgies

Up at sparrow fart - Up really early in the morning before the sparrows wake up. They can be quite primal in their expressions methinks.


The hhhhheych for "h". Can be amusing.


Strine has grown on me and has slowly but surely crept into my vocab. Some words are easy. Cuppa (cuppa coffee, cuppa tea, cuppa anything!). Call in for a cuppa my mother-in-law keeps admonishing me. I will, this arvo (afternoon). Silent "r". Wotah, kah, nevah, evah. Fond of nicknames, they shorten everything two syllables and more. The "ie": barbecue - barbie (see last blog post). Christmas - Chrissie. Present - pressie. Politician - pollie. Football - footie. The "o": arvo, smoko, reno, rego, Johno (why not Johnnie?). The "azz"; Gary - Gazza. Sharon - Shazza. Get the drift? It's a wonder I have escaped being nicknamed. Not common enough name for a sheila I guess. Phew!

Me mate & I

Me for my. Me mates. Me shed. Me house. Cute. 


You's. This is one word which I do NOT think is charming, much less acceptable. The plural of "you" is "you". Not "you's" or "youse". How are youse? I couldn't quite figure it out the first time I heard it. Miguel and I were buying ice cream in the local fish and chips shop when the young shopkeeper cheerily greeted us "How are youse?" Since then, I've been on the lookout and notice that it's the norm indeed. Oh well. At least in my house, the plural of you is us. 


People here often times tell me that I speak very good English, usually with a very surprised look as if trying to reconcile their cognitive dissonance. Fantastic, they understand me. I say thanks, so do you. Cheeky. You reckon I will speak Strine like a native soon? Bloody oath. I already got the attitude ha!

The Aussie Barbie

Xmas barbie. A very relaxed way of entertaining.

No not the Australian version of the barbie doll but the barbecue. I can remember my first ever barbie, it was in fact one we hosted--the Xmas street party at our neighbourhood.  When Stan told me we were hosting the annual community Xmas party, the Pinoy party planner in me started figuring out in my mind all the things that we needed to organise--the food of course, the drinks (and boy can they drink!), the tables, chairs, decor, programme, sound system, etc all the paraphernalia I associated with big parties. After all, coming from a family of ten children plus extended family of 100+ cousins on either side, family reunions would range from a handful (20, not including the yayas and other helpers) to a barangay-ful (200+ was the last major one)---party planning was in my blood. To my huge surprise and most pleasant relief, I was told to relax as everything was BYO. Bring your own food, drinks, chairs, tables. Nothing too organised, just provide a welcoming, christmassy ambience for all the neighbours to enjoy each other's company.  True to the laid-back relaxed approach Aussies take to life in general. No worries. Too easy. I must admit it was discombobulating for me the first couple of years as a Pinoy hostess to have guests bring food (I could feel my Dad shake his head in shamed disapproval and my Mom gasp que horror!) I very gladly adapted and eagerly allowed everyone to share their bounty and vice versa. Takes the pressure away from the host. Very fair way to have a communal event and best of all there's not a huge mess to clean up afterwards because everyone helps with the clean-up. How good is that? I love it! Makes entertaining that much easier and more spontaneous. We try to have a barbie as often as we can during the warmer months. Everyone's just a phone call away. Nice.

Stan's shed. At left is his latest toy, a bobcat.

The barbie also refers to the grill. I am told that in Au, a man is measured by two things: his shed (see right photo) and his barbie (see above photo). That is why the man is always expected to cook the meats and anything that need to be grilled. Stand back woman. I am all too happy to oblige.

lovely Pinoy accent in our backyard

Outdoor entertaining is big here in fact I'm sure if given a choice most Aussies would prefer to live outdoors than indoors. I'm with them on that. How can I resist the clear pollution-free blue skies, the fresh cool breeze, the myriad of wildlife that surround our home, the sweet chirping of beautiful parrots ("look at me, look at me" that's what they sound like, really!), the odd kangaroo or two leaping across the bong at dawn and dusk. All that makes country living very attractive indeed. Yeah sure, there's the tyranny of distance but one gets used to it and works with it. To top it off, my dear hubby built me a nipa hut in our backyard. How sweet is that? He says it's to help assuage my homesickness. But really it's to assuage his. He fell in love with the nipa hut the first time he laid eyes on it on his first trip to the Philippines. It has since become central to our barbecues. Also, a charming way to integrate both cultures you reckon?

Adjusting to Adjusting

Someone said that moving is like dying. If so then I've died a few dozen times. But this move would have to be the biggest move of my life. This one's fraught with multiple changes. So many I have to adjust to. Well, I don't have to, I want to. Firstly, the obvious---from a tropical country to a four seasons one (yey); from hectic city life to placid country life; from self-sufficient singlemotherhood to co-sufficient marriedhood. (Am I stretching my literary liberty too much here?) I'll start with these. They all came at once in one fell swoop right after the wedding. Bang. Had I been occupied with full time employment I probably would have been too busy to face them and there would not have been an "interim". Or perhaps the impact would not have been as palpable. I would have probably just coasted along with the changes and not given them much thought. Ignorance is bliss. But naah not a chance. I tend to learn the hard way. Yes, the universe had indeed conspired to have me "float" for a few months to get my bearings. Lost a few in the process ha!

sexy boots

My first winter was miserable. How was I to know that taking long hot showers in winter dries the skin? How was I to know that staying too close to the heater dries the skin? How was I to know that soap dries the skin? Yep, learned it the hard way. I had the worst case of dry legs ever. They were scaly, itchy and yucky ugly. Not even the shea butter someone swore would work helped. Thank God for google. I learned that everything I instinctively thought would work (long hot showers, hugging the heater, even the gentlest of soap) didn't. In fact were the worst things for the skin in winter. Waaah! Thankfully, I had to take a quick trip back to Manila at the height of rainy season (Aug ergo high humidity). The scales magically disappeared. Amazing. I now use non-soap wash, avoid getting too close to heaters and take the shortest military-like hot showers. Also, now I simply love winter. The girl in me comes out to try out winter fashion. Leather coat, leather boots. Love'm.

Hawaiian theme new year's eve party

At the opposite extreme is summer. The hottest place I have ever been prior to moving here is the sauna at 52 degrees C. Hot and dry, it was suffocating. My first new year in Au was spent camping near the river. Sounds romantic? Not in 58 degrees!! Whoa I couldn't believe it. Neither could most everyone. I must bring out the extremes even in the weather!?? But we had a great time, notwithstanding the stifling heat. Thank God for cool friends.

Bourke St., Melbourne

Before the big move, I would go to nearby malls, shopping centers, parks, cinemas, libraries, the odd museum etc, lots of options for entertainment. Or if I felt like company I'd pick up the phone and invite friends to meet for coffee, movie, lunch, dinner, theater, dance, badminton, anything and everything was within spontaneous reach. Coming to Mildura, I found that entertainment had to be planned in advance. Travel was never a big factor in my past life, living right in Makati CBD, now it is a HUGE factor. The nearest big cities: Adelaide (popn 1M) and Melbourne (popn 3M)are 4.5/5.5 hrs away. So to get my big city fix requires a bit of forward planning. I have grown not to mind it as the pay off is some top class live entertainment such as Cirque d'Soleil (my fave), Billy Elliot, Priscilla Queen of the Desert (there was a Pinay in the cast, cast as a Tagalog-speaking puta ha!) etc. And of course the live footy. Let me tell you that in Victoria most people are football-mad. I've had to pick a "side" right from get go. Being the mango in a basket of apples that I am, I picked a side that no one in the Sleep family barracked for. Why? Because the star player looked like my son ha! I was ridiculed, scorned, lambasted, my husband hung his head in shame. I stood my ground and thumbed my nose at them all hmph! I would not be bullied, I've made up my mind. Being the lone voice in the wilderness is nothing new to me. This player has since changed teams but I've grown fond of my team now. Go blues!

Must I let him go too?

Perhaps the hardest adjustment for me is being parted from Miguel. Even though he is now in the same country, he is oh so far away. Being the independent, self-sufficient son that I raised him to be doesn't help either. What is it with boys that they can't be bothered to pick up the phone let Mom know they're still alive and well?! Drives me nuts especially when I can't contact the boy. It's not about you son, it's about me. I need your help in managing my grieving cycle. On reflection, this situation would still be the same regardless of setting. Empty-nesting sucks. 

Cheers mate!

Adjustment is never easy but it doesn't have to be hard either. I've learned to embrace this new way of life and let go of the old.  I've had to allow my own grieving process and more importantly, I've had the unconditional support of my chosen life partner, this warm human being who allowed me to grieve. Bit bewildering for him I'm sure but to his credit he let me be. He has taught me so much about staying positive. It is something that has evolved within me after four and a half years of processing. It is also a choice I've made. So easy to be negative. So much work to be positive. But it so worth it. Happiness is indeed a choice. I'll be speaking like a local soon mate :)

The Paper Chase

Paper, paper, paper, and MORE paper. Did I say paper? PAPER. That about sums up my tip on navigating the highly regulated Australian legal system.


Boxes, boxes, boxes, and MORE boxes. Did I say boxes? BOXES. That about sums up the extremely anal visa application system. Gotta tick them all. You think they read all the submissions not to mention the attachments? Hey? Shaking my head. Just inundate them with so much paperwork they'll KNOW you're legit. My tip on breezing through the requirements. Did I say breeze? More like typhoon signal #6 winds. Nothing gentle nor smooth about applying for a permanent visa. I have nothing to compare this experience with so I'm sure it's just as onerous in other countries. But man, what a lot of work. So many forms, police clearances, stat decs, medical clearances, marriage certificate (of course, NSO-issued), evidence of residency, relationship, financial ability, ad nauseum. Every document I had to chase I had to grit my teeth and stay focused on my man. Worth it? Absolutely. What I do for love........sigh.

I swear you have to be perfect to be awarded (really!) a permanent resident visa here. So if anything goes wrong with my marriage it's Stan's fault not mine. I'm perfect that's why ha! This whole boat people issue I am clear on. I have no sympathy for those who take advantage of Australia's generosity yet have no paperwork to prove their legitimacy. I'm with Tony Abbott on this one--no paper, no entry. So there.

Had to renew my passport this year. Had I known how much it would cost me I would have renewed it on my last visit to the Philippines. The Philippine embassy makes a killing over here on passport renewals and they are sooo slow. Took 3 months to process. Why? Because the passports are sent to the DFA in Manila and back!! Plus they only give 5 years! How crazy is that? And they're computerised now too? Ha! Au immigration said I don't need a visa stamp so we'll see how it goes on my next trip to Manila in Dec. Fingers crossed.


Job-hunting. Very important to retrieve all original docs such as official transcripts of record from university and other qualifications as Australia recognises prior learning (RPL). Very good of them to have this system. I managed to get all of mine recognised so I didn't have to start (God forbid) from scratch. I'm too old and too proud to do that. I had to do a lot of research to find out about this as there is no guide book for migrating professionals in finding work commensurate to qualifications and training. Although I do take great pride in my academic achievements, I find that most Aussie employers do not put a lot of weight on them (read: they don't care). In fact, in the smaller country towns with most people having that famous BS detector, they consider high-falutin vocabulary wankin off! Very down-to-earth, they value experience and attitude topmost, which is very refreshing. Fortunately, I can tick all those boxes so no worries. It took me roughly 3 months of continuously sending my resume out before I landed my first job in Mildura. The interim was the hardest. 

First step in Aus

"We're not in Kansas anymore....." errr more like the reverse for this Dorothy---Welcome to Kansas, more like it ha! From living in a city of 12M to a city of 60,000 with the same land area is QUITE a shift. Imagine moving from a place with a population density of 18,800 per sqkm to one with ONLY 2.4 per sqkm is nothing short of mind-boggling. First question I asked Stan when he toured me through the streets of Mildura was "Where are all the people?" Can you blame me? Apparently, the same question many Asians ask the first time they land in country Au. No one to ask directions from. What if you get lost?!! Took me many months to get used to the idea. 

From this

to this

Maps are of great use in this part of the world, I discovered. That's who you ask if/when you get lost. Very comprehensive and surprisingly reliable. I also discovered I can read maps! But don't tell Stan. He reckons I can't. Just because he interprets it differently from me doesn't mean I can't. TG for GPS. That has saved our marriage. Got one for xmas last year so now we don't argue about directions anymore. But I get ahead of my travelogue.
With only 60,000 you think I'd know all of them by now, four and a half years on. Kidding. Not! Trying to have a private coffee or after hours drink along the main strips (you can count them with the fingers of one hand) without being recognised or recognising anyone is near improbable with the husband I happen to have and the job I currently do. I'm exaggerating again. Not! It's actually nice to be so recognisable and I take secret pride in being married to such a footy personality who's also regarded as an all around genuinely good aussie bloke (aww). Still.....

Someone asked me what I  miss the most about Manila. The anonymity. Go figure.

Are we there yet?

swag

Space, lots of it. I do love it but I need my big city fix from time to time. If only to make me come running back home to the country.  My first taste of living in the bush was my first night at Sextons, the camp that Stan and Bernie his brother own, my first visit to Mildura in 2006. Stan painted me this romantic picture of sleeping in a "swag" under the stars. It was the most uncomfortable bed I've ever slept in aaarrrgh! Not to mention the freezing temp (so cold the dam froze over!). And that annoying alarm clock of a kookaburra. It seemed to know who was the newbie and screamed its reveille right in my ear aaarrrghh!! Romantic, my foot. I swore then to NEVAH sleep in a swag again evah! The aussification of moi---has begun, sigh.

wheeeeee! what a ride

So this is blogging.....

Due to popular demand (taking "literary" license here ahem) I am finally putting finger to keyboard and start writing a blog about my trail and travails as a Pinoy expat in the vast and wondrous land Down Under. I'm being expansive, my main instigator for this topic (my BFF GR---we go back a long way, umm 30 some years?!), really wanted me to write a "travelogue" about my "journey" as a Filipina wife of an Aussie bloke. Though I would argue that I don't fit the stereotype, I nevertheless probably share the same impressions, if not the same experiences, of my new adopted country and countrymen. As if I'll have readers besides my BFF and maybe my friends in Facebook ha! If only to record my thoughts and experiences and share my learnings in my many trails (fodder for that book I swore I was going to write one day), here goes.......